Time Travel

Livewire striker Indio tried to bend the rules of time and space on Sunday after he arrived 80 minutes late for Kings Arsenal’s final game of the season.

The affable Brazilian turned up for the Team Choc Ice encounter at the wrong kick-off time and utlised ground breaking physics in a desperate attempt to make things right.

First Indio tried to create a gravity well that would in turn produce a worm hole to take him back to past.

However, this proved impossible because Sainsburys was shut meaning he couldn’t gather enough obese shoppers.

Next the gutsy Internacional fan tried to run faster than the speed of light, enabling him to travel back in time using a technique made famous by Superman.

Unfortunately this also came to nothing because his much maligned shoe laces kept coming undone.

Indio has since locked himself away in his underground workshop and is trying to build a time machine.

However, Indio’s endeavours were in vain because Kings Arsenal won the match 8-5.

Injuries to the Kings’ two recognised goalkeepers and occasional stand-in James Payne meant captain Mark Tinklin donned the gloves.

Meanwhile, two ringers were needed at the start of the game after a diversion affected James Britton’s cycle route.

In truth it was a comfortable win against the side that avoided relegation at the expense of Kings Arsenal.

Oscarin Castiblanco and the returning Chris Cahalarn both scored a hat-tricks and both scored a header.

Paul Jenkins could make his long awaited comeback next week and could be joined in the side by Jimmy P, who missed out on Sunday because of injury.

And finally, Luke Tinklin could be back from his latest knee problem quicker than first feared after the club physio said there was no lasting damage.

The new season starts next week when Kings Arsenal will be playing in the second tier once again.

Back to the Championship

Kings Arsenal’s four season reign in the Premiership came to an end on Sunday, despite a 6-3 win over Al Nakhla.

The Kings produced a valiant display, fighting back from an early deficit, but a second successive win for Team Choc Ice condemned them to the drop.

Luke Tinklin made a long awaited return to his long forgotten attacking duties, playing up front for the first time in aeons following a knee injury and a goalkeeping sabbatical.

The appearance of Joe Kellam between the sticks meant Luke was needed in attack and he proved he hasn’t lost any of his trademark skills, missing five scorable chances.

Many a time did a King pull the ball across the box, particularly the energetic Oscarin Castiblanco, only for so-called striker Luke to blaze wide.

The best example of Luke’s lacklustre efforts came when captain Mark Tinklin, who continues his slow journey back to form, hit the bar from his own goal-line, only for Luke to head the resulting rebound wide.

However, jesting aside, Luke did hit the back of the net, showing admirable composure to take a touch and slot home.

Oscar was rewarded for his skilful running with two goals, a total matched by Mark, while founder James Payne bagged one.

There should also be a notable mention for debutant Craig Warren, who impressed with a composed display at the back in his first game of football in two years.

It was Oscar that put the Kings in front, only for Al Nakhla’s really good player to score two solo efforts, giving his side the lead.

However, they were two of the few times the skilful runner left his own half and Mark pulled his team back into the lead with a quickfire brace.

Kings Arsenal dominated the second half and Joe, who stretched to make several key saves, was only beaten once after the break following some typically comical defending.

The joy of a hard fought win was soon overshadowed by the news of imminent relegation, but there should be more victories to come in the second tier.