Kings miss out on US international

Kings Arsenal have been beaten to the signature of USA international midfielder Stuart Holden by Premier League outfit Bolton Wanderers.

Holden, a school friend of goal shy Kings Arsenal forward Phil Foster, had been linked with a move to the Wandle Recreation Centre after his contract with Houston Dynamo expired.

Kings captain and General Manager Mark Tinklin hoped that Foster could use his ties with the MLS All Star to convince him to sign for the Pitch Invasion Wandsworth Sunday five a-side outfit.

However,  Holden opted for the state of the art facilities on offer at Bolton, following a successful trial period, and thought playing in the English top flight would help his World Cup ambitions.

The PI runners-up also missed out on Samba Star Robinho because they were unwilling to meet his wage demands of £50,000 per week.

The Manchester City flop has since joined his home town club Santos in a six month loan deal.

Kings Arsenal kick off the Spring season by playing Championship winners QGC Heroes United in a 6.20 kick-off.

Top scorer Paul Jenkins has pulled out because he is going to the Arsenal v Manchester United game, but the Kings expect to name a strong squad.

Kings Arsenal boast an impressive record against the so-called Heroes, winning four of the last five encounters, scoring nine times on three occasions.

However, QGC Heroes claimed an unlikely 10-4 win when the sides last met.

Final day Stats Centre

The Pitch Invasion Wandsworth Sunday Winter season will be decided on the final day and Kings Arsenal are a two goal swing away from winning their maiden Premiership crown.

With the title challengers separated by goal difference alone here is a statistical preview of what lies in store:

Three teams tied on 18 points. W6 L3

Cheung Ki Koks Warriors GD14

Kings Arsenal GD 12

Rosie FC GD -1

KA and RFC have both scored 43 goals

Kick-off times

5.00pm Millennium v Cheung Ki Koks Warriors

5.40pm Kings Arsenal v Non Sensible Soccer

6.20pm Team Choc Ice v Rosie FC

Fight for survival

Millennium bottom and relegated.

Team Choc Ice second bottom needing a win and two goal swing (they’ve scored 41 goals).

Non Sensible Soccer third bottom. Relegation threatened, three points ahead of TCI. In control of destiny. Scored 36, conceded 36. W4 L5.

Previous meetings

Millennium v Cheung Ki Koks Warriors. Previous meeting Millennim won 6-5. Last five meetings – Cheung Ki Koks Warriors: LWDLL

Kings Arsenal v Sensible Soccer. Previous meeing Non Sensible Soccer won 4-1. Last five meetings – Kings Arsenal LLLWL

Rosie FC v Team Choce Ice. Previous meeting Rosie FC won 8-4. Last two meetings Rosie FC WW

Form:

Cheung Ki Koks Warriors LWWWL

Kings Arsenal LWWWW

Rosie FC WLWLW

Non Sensible Soccer WLLWW

Team Choc Ice LLLLL

Millennium WWLLL

Last match:

All three of last week’s matches were decided by a single goal. Kings Arsenal beat Cheung Ki Koks Warriors, Rosie FC beat Milennium and Non Sensible Soccer beat Team Choc Ice.

Team News

Kings Arsenal captain Mark Tinklin could miss the game, he’s described as the club’s very own Cup Final, because of a thigh injury.

The midfielder is still struggling with the injury he sustained in last week’s win over Cheung Ki Koks Warriors and may have to watch from the sidelines on Sunday.

Elsewhere, the Kings boast a fully fit squad as the Victoria Line is running this weekend meaning Paul Jenkins can play.

As ever it will be interesting to see if James Britton turns up on time.

Fabricio Mazzola will play despite a back problem, but Chris Trewhitt and Dave Foster are still out with knee injuries.

Kings Arsenal squad to face Non Sensible Soccer:

Mark Tinklin, Fabricio Mazzola, Andy Thomas, James Payne, Paul Jenkins, Luke Tinklin, Phil Foster, James Britton.

And finally

Kings Arsenal’s Premiership trophy decider against Non Sensible Soccer kicks-off at 5.40pm, but there are plans to be there early to see how current leaders Cheung Ki Koks Warriros get on in their 5pm kick-off.

THE BIG MATCH PREVIEW

Words can’t describe the magnitude of Sunday’s title decider against Cheung Ki Koks Warriors.

Superlatives such as massive, enormous and monsterous don’t do it justice.

The Warriors are top.

Kings Arsenal are second.

The gap is just three points and the leaders’ goal difference is just four goals better.

A win for the Kings will set them up for a tilt at the Premiership title in the final game of the season.

When the two sides met earlier in the season Kings Arsenal won 6-2, but the two sides share a 2-2-1 record from their previous five meetings.

The Pitch Invasion Predictor thinks it will finish 8-8 and although that’d be some game it would leave Cheung Ki Koks Warriors in pole positon going into the final weekend.

They won their last match, beating Rosie FC 8-2 and ended their opponents title aspirations in the process.

However they have tasted defeat twice this season, against the Kings and relegation candidates Millennium.

Cheung Ki Koks Warriors like to pass the ball and most of their play goes through their diminuitive central midfielder.

They like a tackle, but aren’t the best at the back and have no consistent finisher of note.

If Kings Arsenal can put pressure on their defenders and stop the ball at source they could pick up the two goal swing they need to take control in the championship chase.

The Reds won their last game 6-4, beating Team Choc Ice thanks to another stellar showing from star goalkeeper Fabricio Mazzola.

And the Brazilian hasn’t finished there, he wants a winners medal to take back to Gaucho State.

He said;  ”I don’t wanna be the second place, we’ll win the next two matches,”

Kings Arsenal founder James Payne is also in confident mood and said; “I don’t need to get motivated to play Chunky Cocks.”

Payne has a burning resentment of Cheung Ki Koks Warriors, but no-one can remember why.

However while his team-mates were focusing on their next match, Players’ Player of the Year Luke Tinklin was distracted by events off the pitch.

He said; “I’m really annoyed that I’ve deleted all the songs on my ipod.”

Kings Arsenal have a strong, full eight man squad available on Sunday although defensive coloussus Chris Trewhitt is out with his troublesome knee injury.

James Britton and Andy Thomas are both back to provide some much needed steel at the back and Paul Jenkins should be there, weather permitting.

Kings Arsenal squad: Fabricio, James P, James B, Andy, Mark, Phil, Paul, Luke.

It’s a  5pm kick-off and is the penultimate game of the season.

The weather affected match against Non Sensible Soccer will now take place next week.

In other news… club captain Mark Tinklin pipped one-time American Phil Foster to win his second successive Kings Arsenal poker crown.

Non Sensible Soccer Team News

Kings Arsenal have managed to scramble a team together for Sunday’s game against Non Sensible Soccer despite suffering a plague of injuries and unavailability.

Founder James Payne is at his work Christmas do, Fabricio Mazolla is at work and Deep Dasgupta can’t make it.

Chris Trewhitt, James Britton and Dave Foster have all got knee injuries.

Phil Foster may play if his car works and can get him to the game.

With Fabricio unavailable Luke Tinklin will play in goal, despite struggling with a persistent knee injury.

Captain Mark Tinklin is available after recovering from an ankle injury he sustained in midweek and will be joined by University six-a-side team-mate Ben Wall.

Paul Jenkins is back and is bringing his house mate Frank along for his second appearance and there is a newcomer set to make his debut after answering the Kings Arsenal Gumtree appeal.

Non Sensible Soccer won their first game of the season by beating Millennium 2-1 last week and have beaten Kings Arsenal in four of the last five meetings.

Incredibly Team Choc Ice are top. It’s a 6.20pm kick-off.

Injury crisis strikes

Kings Arsenal were reduced to just four players on Friday afternoon as they prepared to face Team Choc Ice.

A plaque of knee injuries and withdrawals have left captain Mark Tinklin and livewire striker/keeper Luka Tinklin trawling their contacts for at least one more player.

Arsenal fans James Payne and Deep Dasgupta are off to the Emirates to see the Chelsea game on Sunday and Paul Jenkins is out of town.

Phil Foster is going to Newcastle this weekend while Chris Trewhitt, Dave Foster and Julien Ramsey have all been ruled out with knee injuries.

In fact Dave and Julien could both be out until the New Year.

The raft of withdrawals leaves Kings Arsenal down to just four players at present: Fabricio Mazzola, James Britton, Mark and Luke.

However, Kings Arsenal are confident they’ll be up to their full quota of five players in time for the 5.40pm kick-off on Sunday.

Second place Team Choc Ice lie in wait, a team the Kings battered 11-4 at the end of last season.

Millennium Team News

Kings Arsenal will be without two first team regulars on Sunday for the clash with newly promoted Millenium.

All-action forward Phil Foster and acrobatic stopper Fabrizio Mazzola are unavailable for selection.

Jorge Campos wannabe Luke Tinklin will play in goal, despite nursing a knee injury, while Mark Tinklin returns from illness to play in attack.

Defensive linchpin Chris Trewhitt is back while there is a welcome return for Deep Dasgupta, assuming he’s not called into work on a Sunday again.

Regular trio James Payne, James Britton and Paul PJ Jenkins complete a strong looking line-up.

Both sides opened the new season with a defeat, but whereas Kings Arsenal were unlucky not to beat the undefeated league champions Millennium went down 6-2 to the inconsistent Team Choc Ice.

The clubs are the last two winners of the Championship and share a record of two wins, two losses and a tie from their last five meetings.

 

Kings Arsenal squad to face Millennium in a 5pm kick-off on Sunday: Tinklin, Tinklin, Payne, Jenkins, Britton, Trewhitt, Dasgupta

 

Strong squad for season start

Seven names grace the match day squad for Kings Arsenal’s first game of the new mini-season against reigning champions Rosie Fc.

Fabricio is back from his Scottish vacation to play in goal while Phil and Chris also return.

James Britton hopes to be involved after missing out last week.

Regular trio James Payne, Mark and Luke complete the line-up, but PJ is unlikely to feature because the Victoria line is down.

Rosie FC won the league last term without losing a game and beat the Kings 8-5 in the two sides’ only previous meeting.

Kings Arsenal started that game with just four players (plus one terrible ringer) and struggled in the first half only to run rings around Rosie when up to full strength in the second period.

Kings Arsenal squad to face Rosie FC on Sunday at 5.40: Mark, Luke, James P, Chris, Phil, James B, Fabricio.

Kings Arsenal v Non Sensible Soccer preview

It’s the final day of the latest mini- season on Sunday and there is still a chance that Kings Arsenal can get relegated.

Despite being as high as fourth place, a draw against title-chasing Non Sensible Soccer and wins elsewhere could see the Kings make an immediate and unjust return to the Championship.

It’s unlikely but a win for ALL three teams beneath us would see us plummitt to second bottom in the standings and the abyss.

It will probably take a massive conspiracy or a supernatural event for that to happen especially as two of the sides involved are playing first and third.

Our match sees second play fourth and kicks off at 5.40pm.

We boast a six-man roster and should be confident of getting a good result.

Jimmy Payne returns from exile while PJ and James Britton are back in action.

Daz is going to make his second Kings Arsenal appearance while Luke is taking on the goalkeeping mantle for this important game (despite leaving his new goal gloves at the Hammersmith Apollo).

First choice goalkeeper Fabricio is visiting Scotland and Chris and Phil are unavailable.

In our five previous matches against Non Sensible Soccer we’ve only one once but that was a comprehensive 6-1 victory.

However, the last time we met back in June we got beat 10-1.

If we play like we did last week then that score line will not be repeated anytime soon.

Predicted line-up: Luke, James P, James B, PJ, Mark, Daz.

Unavailable: Fabricio, Chris, Phil, Dave.

QGC Heroes United team news

We should have a strong side to face Premier League no-hopers QGC Heroes United on Sunday with seven names on the team sheet.

Nick returns in goal after an impressive debut, despite concerns over an ankle injury, and Deep is also set to make his second appearance for Kings Arsenal.

Mark, Luke and James Britton will hope to get there in time this week following travel problems last time out.

Dave is missing with a knee injury, having retired from 11-a-side competition, PJ is doubtful with a hangover, but there has been no word from Chris or Julien.

Sunday’s opponents QGC Heroes United are currently bottom of the table with three defeats from three games.

What they’re doing in the top flight is beyond me after they struggled in the Championship last term.

The sides have played on five occasions in the past with Kings Arsenal enjoying comprehensive wins on every occasion since the first meeting.

Last year the Championship winners beat the so-called Heroes 11-4 and 10-3.

Kings Arsenal squad for the 5.40 match v QGC Heroes United: Nick, Mark, Luke, Jim P, Jim B, Phil, Deep.

Cheung Ki Koks Warriors preview

This Sunday we face old rivals Cheung Ki Koks Warriors. We’ve played them five times before – well according to the Pitch Invasion website – and have a losing 2 & 3 record.

Last week they lost to current leaders NonSensible Soccer who are a decent team. Jimmy P has a real issue with these guys.

So far we only have four confirmed Kings Arsenals players; Mark, Luke, Jim Payne and Jim Britton.

Phil is struggling with a cold, Dave has an 11s game and Chris is still out with his hamstring injury.